War of the Animal Crossing Gangs
by Will the Nutty Bunny
Summary: The four towns of Animal Crossing, Chavez, Kassa, Tortimi, and Lorenzo are under revolt. But with a leader so weak, the crossing is up for grabs.
1. The Revolution

War of the Animal Crossing Gangs  
  
"Something wrong sir?"  
"My people...are discontent."  
"You still have loyal subjects who will follow you forever."  
"I know, still..."  
This was a conversation between Mayor Tortimer and Blathers, his assisstant. As of now, the four towns of the Animal Crossing were as follows:  
1. Chavez: population: 35  
2. Kassa: population: 20  
3. Tordita: population: 13  
4. Lorenzo: population: 9  
  
The townspeople of the crossing were angry. Tortimer never led   
them to the justice he said they would obtain. All was silent until there was a report. "People of Chavez are here! They wish to speak with you personally!"  
"Damn!" exclaimed Tortimer. "The bastards have staged a revolt." He summoned his advisor Leopold and asked him how to deal with them.  
"Do not go personally." he said  
Acknowlodging this, he sent out his royal guard. Chow, Admiral, Boots,   
Rolf, and Camofrog. Armed with axes, they came out of the hall.   
"Did the bastard not want to fight us?!" asked a rioter  
"Yet he inflicts such harsh problems upon us?" asked another.  
Easily angered, Chow swings his axe and kills one of the rioters. The one who was killed was Huck, a relative of Camofrog.  
"What the fuck did you do that for?" screamed Camofrog.  
"I was provoked." replied Chow  
Camofrog raised his axe to kill Chow but a hand stopped him. It was Rolf. "You shouldn't do that" said he.  
"So be it!" yelled Camofrog as he ran home.  
Meanwhile, people in Kassa were planning to overthrow Tortimer, but soldiers were everywhere. They finally organized a meeting. One said, "he must be dealt with!" "How can we live hear under his rule?" asked another. Nobody would volunteer to kill Tortimer, until one spoke out from the corner.   
"Given half the men, supplies, and territory than Tortimer has and I will kill him and put his head on a pike."   
Everyone looked at the speaker. He had a strange appearance, strange clothes and strange ears. He looked reliable and able to get the job done. His name was Snake. He was about to be dispached to survey the terrain when another man rose and said, "As talented as Snake is, I feel as I should accompany him to destroy the tyrant." This time the speaker was Hambo of Lorenzo. A man of amazing strength and endurance as he was commonly known for, he also had a calm, collected mind and a specialty with fortifications.   
"Very well, you shall go too." was said  
"No! I shall vanquish the bastard!" Another said. The third speaker was Groucho, an easily angered man who liked short shirts and no pants.   
"Fine if it will help us." was the reply  
Snake, Hambo, and Groucho became the Crossing Brotherhood. For one last relaxation moment, they went to Animal Island.   
"Hey Boomer!" exclaimed Snake  
Boomer and Snake were friends from way back. He was his guide when he went to the island.  
"Free Aloha Shirts and Coconuts for everyone!" exclaimed a jubilent and   
slightly intoxicated Snake. It was paridise, but two days later they returned and sobered up upon pretext of flu.  
"Life is short." said Hambo, "Perhaps we should take Lorenzo."  
Suddenly, a report came in from the leader of the meeting. His face finally visable. "Rebel groups in Chavez are plotting to kill you and Tortimer. We must move!" The speaker was Officer Copper.  
  
Indeed: To stage a rebellion rebels gather the best of men,  
But now more rebels turn on them.  
  
Who will obtain Lorenzo?  
Read on...  
Hambo said, "It is my native town, I can handle it."  
"I trust you." was Copper's reply  
Meanwhile, Copper told Snake, "Take a train to Lorenzo, if things go wrong, go to Hambo's aid." Snake accepted  
Hambo was off to Lorenzo. The people who admired him so much held a grand banquet in his honor. The next morning, there was a report that the rebel army came under Camofrog's order. Hambo ordered a charge, he went through the hills until flames shot up on all sides. Snake came, but couldn't help due to the smoke. Finally Hambo went to the Wishing Well.   
He exclaimed, "I, your servant, have drawn power from the gods to fight the rebels. If I am to succeed, allow me. But if I am to not, let me die here." Just then the Wishing Well flooded and the flames were put out. They managed a small retreat to Kassa.  
"Maybe we should focus a defense effort and see how things play out." said Hambo  
"Good." said Snake  
Just then Copper returned with news. "We now have a new base. Tom Nook has agreed to help us and we can use Nookington as a base. He is now selling new items to fit our needs. Regal Axes and Playroom Knives." The assembly was jubilent.   
"Tortimer has an idiot assistant named Blathers. He runs a museum in Acre C-5, let's deal with him." So they stormed to the museum, broke the door down and held Blathers by his checkered sweater.  
"Where's the shit!?" exclaimed Groucho  
"What shit?" asked Blathers  
"The shit." said Copper  
"He means the weapons and documents you idiot." said Snake  
"I don't know what you're talking about." said Blathers  
"Oh really..." replied Hambo. All was quiet, Hambo and others searched the museum yet to no avail.  
"Your off the hook for now." yelled Groucho  
That night there was a ceremony in honor of the movement now known as the People's Revolution. At the ceremony Copper accepted the honor of leading them. He said, "Today is a day to remember. The people's revolution begins. May the heavens answer our plea to exterminate the corrupt government from the crossing. Life and death are one, and so is the crossing. Thus meaning we must interrupt the courses of life and death in order to bring peace and join as one." The assembly applauded and yelled, "Long live the people's revolution!" Life was good. That night Copper came to Snake and said, "I see great talent in you. That is why I am appointing you vanguard."   
"The van of soldiers?" Snake asked  
"No the fucking minivan." Copper replied in jest. Snake admitted it was a dumb question and moved on.   
Nook gathered the soldiers at Nookington's. "We have gathered fine men from all over the crossing. We must attack Tortimi personally, the time is now. I shall lead the attackers, Snake and Groucho will help me. I know the terrain in Tortimi well. The fruit orchard is to the south, the dump is to the north, and the Wishing Well to the west. Snake shall breif you on relations there."  
Snake started, "there's some old guy selling novelty shit in the east, but he secretly sells marijuana under the counter. Sadly, we can't negotiate with him."  
"We'll break his fingers and toes!" was Groucho's reply  
"He doesn't have any arms or legs." said Snake. "His arms, legs, nose, and internal organs are all metal...oh yeah, and his ears are knives, he spits oil, and his on good terms with Tortimer."  
"So! Are we afraid of the amputee and the corrupt leader?" asked Groucho.  
"Hell no!" was Hambo's reply, so they set out.   
Indeed:  
The Three's pact was as said,  
"We are to take the old man's head!"  
As mere locals who would have knew,  
They would make the chronic seller pay his due.  
  
Who would be victorious?  
That will be revealed in the next chapter... 


	2. A Valient Warrior, Groucho Kills a Foe, ...

In the previous chapter the People's Revolution began. Copper was their leader. They were attacking Tortimi in full force.  
  
They packed up and were ready. Hambo was guarding Kassa while they were gone. They pitched camp in the woods. Suddenly a report came.  
"Tortimer himself is coming with his royal guard, minus Camofrog. A formidable force indeed."  
"Don't worry." said Groucho  
They rested on the outskirts of Tortimi until daybreak. They came with a large force to meet the royal guard. They hurled insults at the coming army.  
"Tyrant!" said one  
"Go home to your palace!" said another  
The armies stared at each other. Admiral tossed an insult at Snake.  
"Low grade wage slave!"  
Infuriated, Elmer, a minor captain, set out. Admiral sent out another minor captain, Rex. They fought a duel of 50 bouts until, after gaining an opening, Elmer killed him with an axestroke.  
"Who's the idiot now, Tenderfoot?" asked Elmer  
Eager for a victory, Admiral himself went out. "Who dares to fight me?" he asked  
"I shall!" was Groucho's reply. The two champions fought until night, his blade whirling, Groucho pulled back. That night, he forged two axes with points on the ends of them. He packed his pouch with playroom daggers and stood out in the moonlight. He started to stare at the moon for hours.  
The next day they set out. It was noon and Admiral was challenging Groucho to another duel. Groucho went out, double axes in his hands. By now, Tortimer could be seen in his carriage, sitting beside a Golden Axe. Groucho yelled, "Come now bastard! Groucho of Kassa awaits thee!"  
Admiral went out, and they fought a well matched duel of 50 bouts. Then, Groucho deflected with his axes, and removed a dagger from his pouch and stabbed Admiral 10 times in the heart. Groucho yelled, "Why stop now? Kill Tortimer!" He then threw a knife at Tortimer and hit him in the arm. Tortimer sounded the retreat. They would have captured him if not for Chow blocking their advance.   
They returned to camp and rewarded Groucho. They decided to stick with the mission and made plans to negotiate with the weed seller. Snake said, "Groucho has proved his merit. It's my turn."  
"Fine." said Copper. "We want an exchange quickly, buy 1/2 a pound of his best stuff. Go!"  
They left for the shop and saw extrordinary sights. Grass so very green and sky so very blue. On the way they payed a visit to the village mystic, Katrina. When asked to read their fortunes read, Katrina said, "I see...An idiot doing a man's job, a man serving an idiot's post, a loss for one, a win for another, and the journey shifts, but for how long will the dream last before the end comes and the stone general digs a grave for the stone warrior and stone leader?"   
None understood what was said, but Hambo said, "It is the will of heaven, it cannot easily be transcripted." They left in inquery.   
They now left and bought what they could and the seller said, "That'll be 200 G bells."   
Groucho said, "Suck my balls, 200 G!"  
"That's enough." Said the seller  
When they went back and informed Copper of their mission, Chow led some men to investigate the terrain of Tortimi. When there, Chow found Katrina and asked for his fortune to be told. Katrina took ten steps and said:  
Life in a man is short indeed,  
To be succesful you must take heed,  
You have defied a brotherhood,  
Granted, you did what you could,  
Though you didn't do what you should,  
Ignorance is all you would,  
In the time of doom, do not cower,  
Watch your dreams until the final hour.  
At this Chow left, when a general yelled, "Stay, bastard! I await thee!" Indeed:  
To kill a traitor they gathered men  
Perhaps they have a chance again  
Who was the attacker?  
Read on... 


End file.
